


Rooftops

by Bobateaz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Caring Oikawa, F/M, Flirty Oikawa, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Reader and Oikawa meet on a rooftop, References to Depression, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, read notes before !!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27977028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobateaz/pseuds/Bobateaz
Summary: “ You slowly walked closer to the edge of the roof—you were so close that you could see the ground below. It was a long way down, and it would probably be painless-‘What are you doing up here?’ “In which they meet on the rooftop of Aoba Johsai, and a friendship sparks between them as they begin to understand and lean on each other.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Reader, Oikawa Tooru & Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 87





	Rooftops

**Author's Note:**

> !! TW !! this story talks a lot about suicide and specially jumping off of a roof. they make jokes about it, because that’s how I like to handle my unstable mental health (which is not the best way, clearly)
> 
> if if you are uncomfortable by things like this I suggest you don’t continue reading 
> 
> The suicide aspect is not the entire plot of the story, but it is the thing that sets the friendship in motion !

_ “I wonder if anyone would be sad if I died.”  _

The wind blew your hair as you stood on the rooftop of Aoba Johsai. The sky was clear and the weather was warm. The breeze was light and refreshing; there was a beautiful serenity to your surroundings, and when you closed your eyes, you almost felt like you were happy.

Except you weren’t. You were the furthest away from it—and no amount of a perfect serenity and peace could change that. 

You were in your last year of high school, that meant it was time to start planning your future. All the other third years in your class were excited for the future—their eyes gleamed with this certain shine whenever they talked about graduating. It felt like a stab in the heart, since whenever someone asked you about your plans in life, you saw nothing. It was an empty, black nothingness. 

It was scary, to be frank, that empty vision of your future. So whenever someone asked about it, you just lied and usually said “I’ll probably be married with kids!”

A fucking lie. A blatant lie. But it was the best you could muster—after all, saying married with kids was less of a mood killer then, “probably dead and buried deep into the earth's soil.”

It was hard, living with barely any passions and goals in life. It was as if you were walking around aimlessly—or, you were a bystander in your own life...or a rock that was stuck in the pond unable to continue down the stream with all of the others.

All those thoughts weighed down on you. It was like you were walking into the ocean, but all the while, there were weights and rocks and chains dragging you down deeper and deeper until you drowned. That’s what it was like in your head whenever you thought about the future. This drowning and sinking and horrible, unbearable feeling took over your whole body. 

Some days it was worse than others. Today was one of those days. Those thoughts and feelings had dragged you deep down into the depths of the sea… and it had led you to the rooftop of your school. 

You slowly walked closer to the edge of the roof—you were so close that you could see the ground below. It was a long way down, and it would probably be painless-

“What are you doing up here?”

The sudden noise startled you, causing you to jump back from the ledge of the roof. It was a familiar voice, but you couldn’t recognize the perpretrader without looking at their face first.

You turned your head around to face them, your eyes widened at the figure standing only a couple feet away from you now. He walked toward you lightly, as if afraid you would hurl yourself off the rooftop.

“[name]... Can you back away from the ledge please?” The soft yet deep voice came from none other than Tooru Oikawa. The hotshot of Aoba Johsai. Nearly everyone in the school was fawning over him—and you would be lying if you said you didn’t find him attractive as well. 

You happened to be in the same class as his best friend, Hajime Iwaizumi. You and Iwa were friends—maybe that was pushing it a little—but you considered him someone that you could talk to freely and quite easily. Whenever you talked with Iwa, though, Oikawa would find a way to join in.

Something about his personality had almost always pissed you off. He was always so cheery and bubbly at school. He smiled all the time, yet his eyes looked tired and sad. There was a certain sadness in his smile—something you couldn’t quite pinpoint, but it made you mad nonetheless. 

You inched closer to him, eyes glued to the rooftop. Oikawa let out a sigh of relief from in front of you, and he grasped his chest dramatically.

“You really scared me for a second there, [last name]-chan.” His voice was higher pitched now, it was different than the tone he had used before. It seemed like his cheery facade was back on again.

“Sorry.” You mumbled.

Oikawa smiled down at you with his sweet, sweet smile; you were glad that your eyes were on his shoes. “What were you doing up here in the first place, [last name]-chan?”

A chuckle escaped your lips before you could contain it. You looked up at Oikawa, who had a look of worry across his face. “Oh…” You turned away from him to face the edge of the roof again. You couldn’t see the ground anymore, only the horizon expanding beyond it. “I was thinking about jumping off.” 

You turned to face Oikawa again, whose face was pale and his eyes were wide. You waved a hand in front of you. “I’m okay, Oikawa-san… I don’t think I would’ve jumped even if you hadn’t shown up.”

“Why- Why not?” He asked quietly.

You let out a small chuckle and took a seat on the roof. Stretching your legs out and looking up at the clear blue sky. “You’re gonna think I’m stupid.”

Oikawa took a seat beside you, his knee brushing against your leg as he did so. You so desperately ignored the way it sent tingles through your body. “You’re not stupid… I would never think that.”

You tilted your head to look at him, your gaze meeting his. His chocolate brown eyes were easy to get lost in, you found. They were soft, kind and traced with worry. You couldn’t help but smile at him. “Well, I was thinking about jumping off, but then I thought about what would happen after.”

He cocked a brow. “What do you mean?”

“Like… I would just be splattered across the ground. That would be so awkward and traumatizing for everyone leaving school today.” You let out a chuckle. “It would be embarrassing! I imagined everyone seeing my guts across the pavement! Hey- Don’t laugh at me!”

Oikawa was laughing—or trying his hardest to stifle it. It wasn’t his normal forced laugh whenever he was around his fangirls or when he joined in on yours and Iwaizumi’s conversations. It was a laugh that had him holding onto his stomach as he shook a little, it was a laugh that was reaching his eyes—and it was a beautiful sight, you had to admit. 

“God… you probably think I’m a psycho or something.” You rubbed your forehead and glued your eyes to your legs stretched in front of you.

Oikawa’s laughing stopped from beside you. “I don’t. I understand completely.”

Your head snapped up to look at him, a serious look graced his features now. “You do?”

He nodded and turned his gaze up to the sky. The breeze moved his curly brown hair around a little. “Why else do you think I came up here?”

Your heart broke a little at the sound of that. You hadn’t even asked him why  _ he _ was up here in the first place. Why else would he be coming up to the roof in the middle of class? 

“I’m sorry…” you said quietly, looking away from him. You didn’t feel deserving of looking at Oikawa, not after you had just been so self absorbed. 

He smiled that false smile and waved a hand in the air. “Don’t worry about me… I’m fine too. Now that you mentioned the whole splattering thing, any thoughts of jumping have left my mind.”

“Why did you want to jump?” You asked abruptly—your mouth was opening and saying words before you could even think about it.

Oikawa took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly before laying his back down on the roof. You followed in suit, and soon your vision was completely full of the beautiful blue sky up above the two of you. 

“I don’t think I would’ve jumped... But I was contemplating it. On the way up here, my heart was pounding as if it was thinking ‘oh my god are you really going to do this?’” He spoke softly, and chose his words carefully—you noticed. It was almost like he didn’t want to reveal the entirety of his inner thoughts, which you understood completely.

“I have tried so hard… I try my hardest in everything I do, but I’m never good enough. I’ll never be good enough for anyone… especially myself. I feel worthless almost all of the time,” his voice wavered, but he caught himself. “This act I have to put on, it’s tiring. I hate pretending to be happy and cheery all the time, when in reality, I rarely feel like that.”

You didn’t want to interrupt him, so you listened. You didn’t want to look at him either, and you were sure he didn’t want you to see him in such a vulnerable state. So you kept your eyes to the sky, and your ears open for whatever he had to say next.

“It’s painful. It’s like… I’m drowning, or sinking or something, and I can’t bring my head above the water to catch my breath. Lately, it feels like the water is finally filling up my lungs, and it’s getting to be too much.” He finally sat up, and it seemed like he was done sharing his feelings. He stood up and dusted his pants off, stretching his arms in the sky after he did so.

You sat up as well, and your eyes widened as Oikawa stuck a hand in front of you, a small smile spreading across his lips. You took his hand in yours and he pulled you up. 

“Can I get your email?” He said suddenly, and there was a tint of pink dusted across his cheeks.

You felt your cheeks get a little warm as well, but you nodded. You put your email in his phone and he put his in yours. You ignored the tingling sensation in your body after your hands touched when you handed his phone back to him. 

“You better answer my emails, [name]-chan.” He noticed how your eyes widened after he called you by your first name so freely.

“Is it okay if I call you by your first name?” He asked sheepishly. 

You nodded. “I think I’ll still call you Oikawa though… if that’s okay?”

He smiled and nudged the side of his body into yours. “Of course it’s okay, [name]-chan.”

Your heart fluttered the tiniest bit at the sound of your name rolling off his tongue. “Thank you for today, Oikawa.” 

He smiled again. “No, thank you for listening to me too! But you better answer my emails, or I’m going to go over to your house and annoy you until you reply.”

A small laugh escaped your lips and you nodded. “I will, I promise.”

“Okay… well, we should probably get off of this roof before someone falls off of it.” 

Your eyes widened at his joke, and you tried your hardest to stifle the laughter threatening to erupt out of you. 

Oikawa winced at his own sense of humour. “Too soon?”

**…**

  
  
  


_**Oikawa** :  _ hi hi hi~~~~~

  
  


_**[name]** : _ I’m guessing this is oikawa?

  
  


How did you know? !!

  
  


I feel like no one else in the world would

send that as their first text…

  
  


Should I be offended by that?

I think I should be. ):

How can you say such a thing??? Especially 

after the circumstances that we met in today?

You never know what I might do… 0:

  
  


Pls-

Ik that ur joking, but I don’t think that one landed

Well-

Not as good as I would’ve landed on the 

ground today…

  
  


[name]...

Was that…

A good joke???!!!

  
  


Yes!!!

I can be funny sometimes too…

Maybe you would know if you listened to Iwa

and I speak instead of interrupting us all the time

  
  


Hey!!

I do listen!

I listen to you!

Not so much Iwa-chan…

But I listen to you!

  
  


Hahaha

Really?

  
  


This is gonna sound weird but…

Something about your voice is calming 

Especially when you would tell Iwa-chan

about things that you liked

And you have this certain look in your eye

  
  


Really…?

I didn’t think you even noticed me

  
  


You’re wrong !

So so so wrong

Horribly wrong!

  
  


Ok 

Okay

I get it. I’m wrong

  
  


I noticed you all the time…

But I thought you hated me for some reason

Do you?

  
  


Of course I don’t hate you

Stupid Oikawa

How can I hate someone I barely know?

  
  


True.

But you don’t look at me like my 

fan girls do… so I assumed that

you didn’t like me.

  
  


Just because I’m not in love with

you doesn't mean I hate you

Stupid

  
  


You’ve called me stupid twice now

Maybe [name]-chan does hate me?!!) :

  
  


I do now

  
  


Ouch

That hurts

  
  


Kidding…

Jk…

Unless?

  
  


You’re kind of weird.

Just a little.

  
  


That’s probably why I’m not popular

at school.

Not like I really care though.

  
  


I think you could be popular !!

If you wanted to be

  
  


What??

What do you mean by that?

  
  


Well

You are easy on the eyes

And

You are funny and kind

So I just thought

  
  


Wow

I’m blushing

Can you feel it through your screen?

  
  


No

I wish D:

I can't tell if ur kidding or not

  
  


That’s a secret I’ll never tell

  
  


Rude

[name]-chan is so rude to me

  
  


Oh please

U love talking with me

Admit it

  
  


Ur right !!

I do! 

Talking with you is making me happy

  
  


Blushing again

  
  


I hate you

  
  


Dang 

I gotta go shittykawa

  
  


Hey!!!

Only Iwa-chan can call me that!

Not you too [name]!!!

I atleast need you to respect me ):

  
  


I do Oikawa

For real

I do

I gotta go now. But it was nice chatting

with you! 

  
  


Okay

It’s nice chatting with you too

Bye [name]!

  
  


**…**

The sound of your alarm ringing on the nightstand next to you, brought you out of your sweet dreams quite abruptly. One second you were on the rooftop again, with Oikawa beside you. Except you weren’t standing near the edge of it, you were sitting on a blanket in the middle, with a picnic basket and lunch spread across it. 

Oikawa’s smiling face was the last thing you saw before being woken up and brought back to the reality of everything. The dark colours in your room contrasted greatly with the bright blues and greens that appeared in your dream.

You sat up in your bed and stretched your arms out. The floor felt cold on your feet as you walked to the bathroom to get ready for the day. You didn’t feel like looking at yourself in the mirror today, so you kept your eyes glued to the counter of the bathroom instead. Some days you just got like this… and unfortunately today was one of them. 

As you made your way downstairs, you realized that you were alone in your house. It was eerily quiet, and was as lively as a cement wall. As you walked into the kitchen, you found a note written by your mother on the counter.

**Have a meeting tonight. There are leftovers in the fridge, and I’ll leave money for lunch.**

**—Mom**

It was always like this. She was rarely home these days, which left you alone in the house… and alone in your thoughts much too often.

You grabbed the money off the counter and shoved it in your school bag. The weather was nice today—so nice that you didn’t need to put on a sweater or jacket for your walk to school. As you walked, you took notice of all the people near your age walking as well. Most walked in groups, or with significant others… while you walked alone.

You tried to tell yourself that you didn’t mind—emphasis on the tried. You shook your head as if that was going to get rid of the intrusive thoughts. It did for a second, as your mind wandered to something else completely. A clear picture of Oikawa flooded your thoughts, instead. He was laughing that beautiful laugh of his like he did on the rooftop. 

You shook your head again and began walking faster to school. The sooner you got there and focused on classes and such, the less time you would have to think about Oikawa and all the other dark things plaguing your thoughts.

You were wrong… so wrong. As soon as you approached the gates to Alba Johsai, your eyes widened at the sight in front of you. Oikawa and Iwaizumi were standing outside the gates, seemingly waiting for someone. As you walked past, you have them both a small and awkward smile, hoping that would suffice—it didn’t.

“[name]-chan!” Oikawa shouted out loud as you walked past them. He jogged to catch up to you, his hand resting on your shoulder, turning you to face them.

Iwa gave Oikawa a funny look, but he smiled at you nevertheless. You were certain that Iwa had no idea about the encounter you and Oikawa had on the rooftop; you were fine with keeping it like that. 

You gave Oikawa a small smile as he pulled you to the side. “Hey, Oikawa.”

“Why are you acting so nervous around me? Are you finally going to admit that you’re madly in love with me?” He smiled and a cocky grin appeared on his face.

You made a gagging sound. “As if. Keep dreaming, Shittykawa.”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened at that, but he began to laugh after a look of hurt was spread across Oikawa's face and his aura turned dark blue and gloomy. “[name]-chan… you know how to wound a man.”

“Hm… I don’t see any man around here. Can you point him out so I can apologize?” You pretended to look around, which made Oikawa pout even more.

Iwaizumi cocked an eyebrow. “When did you two get so close?” 

Oikawa and you both froze, an uneasiness filled the air, and you were sure that Iwaizumi noticed. Instead of digging the hole deeper, you slapped Oikawa on the arm in a friendly manner. “We’re penpals… of a sort?”

Iwaizumi didn’t seem to believe the story, so you nudged Oikawa, hoping he would help you out a little. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, earning funny looks at classmates walking into school. “We email each other sometimes! You did tell me that [name]-chan was nice… didn’t you Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi flushed a little at his comment. It made your heart feel a little warm that you had the Iwaizumi stamp of approval. “I mean, I did say that,” he glared at Oikawa. “But I didn’t think you’d actually listen to me.”

“When have I never listened to you?” Oikawa removed his arm from around your shoulders and placed them on his hips instead. Iwaizumi opened his mouth up to speak, but Oikawa placed a hand in front of him. “Never mind… please don’t answer that, I don’t think my ego can take it.”

You laughed from the sidelines. How were these two the ‘hotshots’ of Alba Johsai? They seemed like goofy teenage boys to you. You shook your head at the two idiots and began to walk into the school, only to be stopped again.

“Wait! I have to ask you something, [name]-chan.” Oikawa had grabbed onto your hand and pulled you back closer to them. You tried to ignore the way his eyes were focused on your own. 

“Okay, okay… what is it?” You asked, trying to focus on anything but the fact that Oikawa hadn’t let go of your hand yet. 

“Do you want to eat lunch with Iwa-chan and I?” He asked softly, a small grin forming on his face.

You looked over at Iwaizumi, who offered a small nod, then back to Oikawa, who gave your hand a small squeeze. “Sure.”

“Yay! I knew you would say yes!” Oikawa brought your hand up to his face and placed a kiss on the top of it, causing you to pull it away quickly.

Iwaizumi slapped his friend in the head. “You can’t just go around kissing people without their consent, idiot.” You laughed as Oikawa rubbed the back of his head, mumbling an ‘ouch Iwa-chan.’

“It’s fine, Iwaizumi, but thanks for slapping some sense into this idiot.” You stifled back your laughter. 

Oikawa pouted at the two of you, and you had to admit, it was quite cute. “So rude, [name]-chan… so rude.”

~

During lunch, Oikawa met you and Iwaizumi in your classroom—after he was stopped at the door by a bunch of fans first. As he was crowded by a group of girls, he sent a wink your way, which you responded by sticking your tongue out at him.

You paid close attention to his smile and laugh as he chatted with his fans. It wasn’t the same as the one from yesterday on the roof. This one felt forced and was slightly off-putting to you, especially since you had heard the other one—the real one. A part of you was glad that only you had seen that laugh, it felt like it was special for you, and you only. 

As he finally made his way over to Iwaizumi and you, he pretended to wipe sweat off of his forehead. “That was so tiring! They just adore me too much.”

“I don’t understand why.” You said quickly, before you could stop it. You were joking of course, but you really had to stop being so dry with your humour.

Iwaizumi seemed to like it though, and he let out a chuckle. “I like the way you think, [last name].”

“You guys aren’t allowed to get closer. If you do, I don’t think I could withstand the bullying.” Oikawa crossed his arms and pouted, his eyes shutting as he did so.

You smiled at Iwaizumi while standing up and walking over to Oikawa. You leaned up and whispered in his ear. “Don’t get too sad Oikawa, I don’t want a repeat of yesterday.” 

His eyes snapped open at that and he sent you a half-hearted glare. You smiled sweetly at him. “Too soon?”

He nodded. “Too soon.”

Iwaizumi stood up from his desk and joined the three of you. “So, where are we gonna go eat lunch?”

“How about the rooftop? I heard that the view is spectacular.” Oikawa smiled wide, and you had to stifle back your laughter. 

You looked up at him and shrugged. “I’m not too sure… I heard it's quite dangerous up there. I heard a rumour that two kids almost fell off and died.”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened at that and he shook his head. “How about no then.” 

The three of you ended up choosing to sit on a bench in the courtyard of the school. Iwaizumi and Oikawa both had neatly packed bento’s, and they began to unwrap them as you stood and watched. You felt sort of embarrassed that all you had was money to go buy some bread and a drink.

Oikawa noticed this, of course, and he stood up as well, carrying his backpack in front of him. “Do you not have lunch, [name]-chan?”

You shook your head and pulled out the money that your mom had left you. “This is all I got. Instead of bentos, I got cash.”

A blush formed across Oikawa’s adorable cheeks. “This is gonna sound really weird… so don’t think I’m a freak or anything.”

You nodded. “I already do, but continue.”

He pouted as he reached into his bag and pulled out an extra bento box. It was wrapped in blue cloth and it was tied neatly in the front. “I kind of assumed that you wouldn’t bring one… so I made you one.”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened at the uncharacteristic generosity of his closest friend; as Oikawa usually always needed something in return when he did a good deed.

Your cheeks began to feel warm, and you hoped that they didn’t look too pink. “How did you know?”

He brought his hand up to scratch the back of his neck nervously. “Whenever you eat in the classroom, you almost always have bread… I’ve never seen you with a homemade bento.”

Your heart fluttered a little. He wasn’t lying when he said he noticed you. Oikawa held the bento out in front of you, and you smiled up at him. “Thank you so much, Tooru.” 

Oikawa dropped the bento box at the sound of you saying his first name. Luckily for you, it was wrapped, so the contents didn’t spill out. Oikawa quickly bent down to pick it up, and he placed it delicately in your hands. “I’m sorry… you just caught me off guard.”

You shook your head. “No… I’m sorry. I’m the one who caused it.” 

He sent a small smile down at you, and brought his hand up to ruffle your hair. You almost flinched away from his touch, but you decided against it at the last second. “You’ve gotta warn me next time you say my name… it sounds different coming from you.”

Your eyes widened as he removed his hand from your head and sat down on the bench. Iwaizumi looked over at his best friend with an astonished look in his eyes. He set his bento down on his lap and turned his attention to you, who were frozen in place.

“I’m not too sure what’s going on right now, but do you wanna watch our volleyball practice today?” He asked, and Oikawa nodded from beside him. 

His voice brought you out of your trance, and before you could even properly think about the question, you answered. “Yes.”

Iwaizumi smiled at you. “Awesome! You can watch me kick Oikawa’s ass.”

From beside him on the bench, Oikawa was unusually quiet. “Is it okay if I come, Oikawa?” You asked him as you took a seat on the bench.

He finally looked over at you and smiled. “Of course, [name]-chan.”

**…**

  
  


The rest of the school day was uneventful—not that it mattered anyway, since you couldn’t get the events from lunch out of your brain. Why was Oikawa acting so strange? Had you done something to him? Was he thinking those horrible thoughts again? 

As you walked through the halls of Aoba Johsai, you didn’t even notice the group of girls who followed you outside—you were too enamoured in your thoughts, especially the ones involving Oikawa. You were excited to watch the volleyball practice, or rather, you were excited that you were invited to watch. 

As you made your way outside and to the gym, you felt someone tug on your backpack, causing you to jolt backwards. Your eyes widened at the four girls now standing in front of you 

“Do you guys need something from me?” You raised an eyebrow at them, wondering why they were currently cornering you outside.

One of the girls crossed her arms and sent a nasty look your way. “Yes, we do need something actually.”

The others all nodded in agreement, and all the eyes glaring you down was starting to make you uneasy. You hadn’t done anything to these girls—nothing at all. You always minded your own business at school and stayed out of everyone’s way (or you tried to at least.)

“Okay… what do you need?” You asked in the most polite tone you could muster.

“Stay the fuck away from Oikawa.”

You cocked your head to the side. That’s why they cornered you like this? All because of him? They probably had walked by in the morning and witnessed him kissing your hand. Maybe they thought that the two of you were dating? You let out a small chuckle, and immediately raised your hand to cover your mouth. 

“What’s so funny?” One of the girls practically snarled, putting her hands on her hips.

You waved your hands back and forward in the air. “Nothing! It's just funny that you see me as competition or something.”

“Well, yeah. We’ve been his fans for years and he barely notices us… but he spends time with you for some reason.”

Your mind wandered to the rooftop, but you decided against telling that story; you only nodded, instead. “I’m not too sure either.”

“He doesn’t like you.” One of the girls said quickly. She had been silent this whole affair, and you deeply wished she would’ve stayed that way.

“Okay? I never said he did.” You chuckled again.

She smiled a ‘sweet’ smile. “I overheard him talking to a girl today… in the hallway.”

You didn’t respond verbally, but the look you sent her was enough to get her to keep going. “He said that he feels sorry for you. He pities you because you have no friends… because you’re nothing. He would never talk to you unless he needed something in return...”

_ You’re nothing. You’re nothing. You’re nothing. _

“He only thinks of you as charity work, and he told her that he would never ever date a girl like you.”

You had heard enough. Even if you didn’t believe the story she told 100%, it was enough to lower your mood into the marianas trench. You clutched the straps of your backpack, hard, and walked hurriedly past the group of them. You shut your eyes tight as you heard them laugh from behind you. 

In an instant, you didn’t want to watch the volleyball game any longer, so you decided on going home instead.

  
  


**…**

  
  


**_Oikawa:_ ** hey

Are you okay?

Why didn’t you come to the practice?

  
  


**_[name]:_ ** I wasn't feeling good 

Sorry…

  
  


Was it my fault?

Sorry for being weird during lunch

Was the bento good tho?

  
  


Yes! It was so delicious

Thank you

And…

It wasn’t your fault at all.

  
  


Okay, I’m glad

But what happened?

Are you okay?

Like for real? 

Or are you lying to me??

  
  


I’m fine

It's just…

Some girls said some things to 

me after school...when I was

on my way to your practice.

  
  


What?

What did they say [name]?

Don’t listen to anything they said

People get jealous and they say

horrible and rude things.

You can tell me everything. I swear

  
  


They just…

Killed my mood.

I don’t feel too well right now.

My thoughts are kinda jumbled and

I keep thinking about stuff I shouldn’t

  
  


One second

I’ll be back

  
  


What?

Oikawa

Where did you go?

  
  


Sorry. I’m back

Are you at home right now?

  
  


Yeah…

Why?

  
  


No reason

Just keep your outside lights on ! (:

  
  


What

Oikawa…

Istg

Do you even know where I live?

??

Stalker…

~

Less than 15 minutes later, there was a knock on your front door. You had thrown on a black sweatshirt and gray sweatpants, and honestly you didn’t care if Oikawa thought you looked grubby—you were comfy and that was what mattered.

You opened the door to see Oikawa standing outside. He was in his volleyball shorts and a hoodie, and he was breathing heavier than usual. In his hand was a bag that looked like it was from a convenience store.

He smiled wide at the sight of you. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in, and he obliged. 

Oikawa sat the bag down on your kitchen counter, and pulled out the contents that were inside. “I brought you some coffee jelly, a bag of chips, a canned coffee, a canned milk tea, and my personal favourite, milk bread.” 

Your eyes widened at the plethora of snacks in front of you. “How much money was all of this?” You looked over at him, and he was already looking in your direction. 

He waved a hand in the air. “No charge. It was me who decided to buy all of it… and I wasn’t quite sure what you would want, so I figured I should just grab as much as I could.”

Before you could stop yourself, your legs stepped towards him, and your arms wrapped around his waist. You set your head on his chest and pulled him close—he smelt like a mix of vanilla and sweat, but he smelled warm and familiar nonetheless.

You felt him tense up the slightest bit at your body contact, but after a second, one of his arms was wrapped around your back, and the other was on your head, running his hands delicately through your hair. “You said you weren’t feeling good before… I wanted to cheer you up a little.”

You smiled to yourself against his chest, and you felt the sting of tears forming in your eyes. Blinking them away, you squeezed the fabric of his hoodie a little. “I’m feeling better now… Thank you.” 

You felt him lean down over you and place a kiss on the top of your head. It was strange, being so intimate and trusting with someone that you barely knew… but he felt so familiar and welcoming; it was hard to not get swept up in it.

He released you from his embraces and brought his hands up to cup your cheeks, wiping away a stray tear that had fallen with his thumb. His gaze was so mesmerizing and beautiful that you didn't want to look away. “If you ever feel the way that you did on the rooftop, you need to message or call me immediately.” 

You nodded, finally looking away from his eyes. “I will… I promise.”

He ran the back of his hand down your cheek. “Good girl.”

Your heart leapt out of your chest, and he noticed, because he removed his hands from your face and ruffled your hair, chuckling to himself. 

“Don’t say things like that…” You whispered, but he had heard you… of course he did. 

Instead of responding to it, he changed the subject completely. “How about we go watch a movie or something and eat all these snacks, I so graciously brought over.”

You nodded and went over to the living room, turning the T.V on as Oikawa grabbed the convenience store bag and brought it over. You took a seat on the couch, and he did the same—you noticed how he left a tiny bit of space between the two of you. 

The two of you settled on watching The Breakfast Club, with Japanese subtitles on of course. You two gorged out on all the snacks he had brought over; as Oikawa took a bite of the milk bread, you noticed the small smile that lingered on his face after he chewed it. It was adorable, and cute and-

Shit. He had caught you looking at him. He raised his eyebrows at you and smiled, causing you to smile back. You turned your blushing face back in the direction of the movie, and you hoped he thought nothing of your longing looks.

When the movie was done, a part of you wished you had chosen something longer. You didn’t want him to go, but you didn’t want to tell him that either. When the credits rolled, he stood up and stretched his arms up, causing his hoodie to rise as well. Your face became heated once again as you saw a glimpse of his toned stomach. You mentally facepalmed at being so goddamn horny all of the sudden. You needed to chill out… this was Tooru Oikawa. 

He was the most popular boy at Aoba Johsai. Captain of the volleyball team. Heartthrob. He was also… a person. He was someone dealing with his own issues and pain, yet he was full heartedly helping you deal with yours. He wasn't just a person, but he was a  _ good  _ one at that.

Oikawa grabbed his things and began walking to your front door, you followed behind him slowly. You wanted to tell him that he should stay the night… or that you were so grateful for his existence… or that you were glad you had met on the rooftop.

“The milk bread was insanely good.” 

Oikawa looked taken aback for a split second, before his false smile appeared on his lips. “It was. Um, thank you for tonight, [name]-chan.”

“No, thank you.” You came closer to him as he got to the front door. He slipped his shoes on and you stood awkwardly leaning against the wall.

He smiled at you again as he faced you straight on now. “I hope you feel better now.”

“I do now… because of you. Thank you so much, Tooru.” You smiled at him, and he did the same—this time it wasn’t his false smile though, it was the one that reached his eyes. 

He took a step closer to you, closing the gap between the two of you, now only a couple mere feet away. “Goodnight, [name].” He towered over you, so you had to tilt your head up to meet his gaze. He was looking so intently that you almost had to look away.

“Goodnight, Tooru.”

He grinned again, then he turned his back to you and opened the front door. As he made his way off your lawn, he turned back to face you. “Dream of me tonight!” He shouted, while throwing his arms up in the air.

You laughed at the sight of his dorkiness. “In your dreams, Tooru.”

He brought one hand down to clutch his heart. “I hope so!” And then he started to jog away. Soon, he was out of your line of sight, and you couldn’t help but feel a little cold and lonely again.

~

**_[name]:_ ** wait 

First of all, did you get home safe?

  
  


**_Oikawa:_ ** I did

Thanks for asking :p

What am I waiting for tho?

  
  


You never told me how you got

my address??? 

Are you a stalker?

  
  


Yeah

I follow you home everyday 

And I watch you sleep

Please

  
  


I was just making sure

But how did you find it?

Can you pls tell me?

  
  


Okay

Don’t laugh

  
  


Ummm

Okay

I will try not to

  
  


So

After practice…

I may have broke into the faculty

office and searched through the

files to find ur address

Don’t fricking laugh at me

I know you are

  
  


Ur so…

Ur a special breed

Why didn’t you just ask me?

  
  


I wanted to impress you

I just creeped you out instead 0:

  
  


I’m not creeped out

I was kidding before

But

Its kinda cute that you went that far

  
  


I’ll take what I can get

I’m going to sleep now

But if you feel sad or bad or

anything of the sort… don’t 

hesitate to call me… okay?

  
  


Thank you so much, Tooru

For everything

I appreciate you

  
  


I’m blushing… can you feel it?

  
  


I can

I just have that effect on you 

  
  


Yeah yeah

Whatever 

Goodnight. Don’t dream nasty things

about me, okay [name]-chan?

  
  


Gross

U wish

  
  


Psh

Yeah I do

Goodnight

  
  


Night

**…**

  
  


Weeks went by, and then months passed as well. The friendship you had formed with Oikawa was one of the only things keeping you afloat. His presence alone was comforting enough, and he always tried to make you happy, not matter what. He would pack you homemade lunches every single day, he would walk you home on days he didn’t have volleyball, and he would spend almost every second of his time during breaks at school with you. 

You even became closer to Iwaizumi as well as the months went on. He still didn’t know about the incident on the rooftop, but you had hoped that Oikawa and you could tell him one day.

After seeing how close you had become with Aoba Johsai’s resident hotshot, people began to talk, as they always do. Girls asked you to give their confession letters to their ‘dearest Oikawa-senpai.’ You always did, much to his dismay. 

The Sprint Inter-high tournament was coming up soon though, which meant that Iwaizumi and Oikawa had to focus more on volleyball, which you understood completely—although it did suck that you had less time to spend with them.

You were worried for the two of them, Oikawa especially. You had come to learn about his history with Tobio Kageyama, and you knew that he would be pushing himself harder than ever to beat him… not to mention Ushiwaka. 

You could see it in his eyes, lately, this dark and tired look. He still faked his happy and cheery facade like he always did, but you could tell that something was weighing on him. Whenever you asked him about it, he would brush it off, and tell you that there was nothing to worry about. So you listened… but deep down you knew that you shouldn’t have.

  
  


~

“You’re going to play amazing Tooru, I know it.” You grabbed both of his hands in yours and squeezed tightly.

He smiled a tired grin down towards you. “Thank you, [name]-chan. I’ll play better knowing you’re in the stands cheering for me.”

You smiled up at him. “You guys defeated the iron wall… how bad can a bunch of crows be?”

He leaned down and touched his forehead with yours. “I won't underestimate them, but thank you for your kind words… It means a lot, especially coming from you.”

Your eyes shut as he connected your foreheads. It was an act of intimacy that was normal for the two of you, but the surrounding teammates widened their eyes at the sight of it. You didn’t mind though, you were close to him, that’s what mattered.

He pulled away and took a deep breath. “I’ve gotta go warm up… cheer loud for me.”

“Of course.”

  
  


**…**

Aoba Johsai had lost against Karasuno. It was Oikawa who missed the final, game winning spike. Your heart dropped at the sight of him, and you desperately wanted to run down there and pull him into an embrace. But you couldn’t, you were frozen in the stands along with everybody else. 

The silence in the gym was much louder than the screams and cheers that previously sounded from the crowd.

As the team bowed in front of the audience and thanked everyone, your eyes were glued to Oikawa, who remained the most calm and collected out of everyone. As the rest of the team sobbed and cried, he remained stoic; the sight hurt much more than if he was crying.

You collected your things from the stands and made your way down to the main floor. Iwaizumi came out of the change room first, his eyes red and puffy. He avoided your direct gaze when he first came up to you.

You grabbed one of his hands and held it with both of yours. “Iwa…” You began softly, and that was enough for him to pull you into a tight embrace. 

He wasn't crying anymore, but he shut his eyes tight as he squeezed you; in response to that, you rubbed circles on his back in an attempt to soothe him. When you turned your gaze upwards, you noticed Oikawa walking out of the change room, making his way toward the two of you. 

It didn’t seem like Iwaizumi was letting go any time soon, so you could only look at Oikawa with a certain look in your eyes—one that told him ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘You tried your best.’

As he got closer, you expected him to scoff and ask Iwa to share you, but instead, he wrapped his arms around the both of you, and held the two of you as tight as he could. This feeling, this warmth and familiarity made you tear up a bit.

Oikawa leaned in close to your ear. “Cheer up, [name].” His whispering sent chills down your spine. How could he tell you to cheer up at a time like this—at a time where he was crumbling inside?

You shut your eyes to hopefully stop the tears from forming, and Oikawa shut his as well.

~

The three of you had left the gym shortly after that. Oikawa and Iwaizumi had to have a team talk outside first, so you waited on a bench near the parking lot. You fiddled with your hands in your lap because you couldn’t think of anything else to do.

When they were done, Iwaizumi gave you one last farewell hug. He squeezed you tight and you did the same, whispering in his ear about how good he had played. Oikawa stood off to the sidelines, watching as the two of you embraced. After that, Iwaizumi went home, leaving you and Oikawa alone. 

Oikawa took your hand in his and pulled you away from the gym. “I’ll walk you home.” He said quietly, and you listened. Only, he didn’t take you home… he took a detour which led you guys near a traffic bridge. The cars on the freeway sped from down under you, and you began to feel panic rising in your chest.

He hadn’t let go of your hand the entire walk, but he hadn’t talked to you either. He was silent the entire walk, and it was worrying you. When he led you to the middle of the bridge, he stopped abruptly, causing you to bump into him.

“Tooru…?” You said quietly, he turned around to face you now.

“The world would keep going if I jumped, right? It would keep spinning and spinning and peoples lives would keep on going forward right?” 

You froze at his words. “T-Tooru, don’t say things like that.”

He let out a forced chuckle, and he grabbed the ledge of the bridge in front of him. “Nothing would change if I died right now. I would still be pathetic and worthless, alive or dead… Nothing would change.”

You moved beside him quickly, grabbing his arm to pull it away from the railing. “Yes it would! Everything would change… for me, for Takeru, for Iwa! For tons of people who your presence effects!”

His tired and lifeless eyes widened a little at that, and he turned to face you fully now. “[name]...”

You shut your eyes and squeezed his arm, harder than you intended to. “If you died right now, Tooru- If you jumped, I would jump too… You’re the one thing in my life that I cannot lose. I need you… I need you so much, don’t you get that?”

“[name]...”

“I care about you with my whole heart and all I want is for you to appreciate how amazing and talented you really are. You are so kind and gentle and warm… you always know how to make people smile, and you care for people, even if you don’t show it all the time.”

“[name]...”

“You are the most important person to me! If I ever lost you I-I don’t know what I would do with myself, Tooru. I love you and I want you to know that you are loved and appreciated and-”

Oikawa brought his hands up slowly to cup your cheeks. “[name].”

The tears were welling up in your eyes, but you didn’t care. You didn’t care if you looked insane as you rambled on and on. The only thing you cared about right now was Oikawa.

“Tooru…”

He brought his forehead down and touched it against yours. “I won't leave you.”

You let out a shaky sigh. “You promise?”

He nodded, rubbing his thumbs across your cheeks, smoothing your tear stained skin over with his own. “I promise.”

You brought your own hands up to cup his cheeks, feeling the smoothness of his skin on the pads of your finger tips.

“I… I love you, Tooru.” You whispered, but you knew that he could hear you.

He brought his nose down to nudge your own. You couldn’t help but look into his deep brown eyes—the tiredness was still there, but they seemed more lively and less dull than before. “I love you too.” 

You were the one to close the gap between the two of you. Your lips touched his own soft ones, and both of your eyes shut at the impact. He lowered his hands to the back of your neck, pulling you even closer into him; you clenched your hands in his sweater. The kiss was long and sloppy, but you didn’t care; as long as it was him… as long as he was alive and well and happy, you didn’t care.

A car from below honked their horn at the sight of you two, which caused both of you to pull away quickly. He brought his hands down to your cheeks again, his eyes were glued to yours. “I love you so much.”

Your face felt warm at that, and you couldn’t contain the smile forming on your red and slightly swollen lips. “And I love you.”

Oikawa grabbed your hand in his and led you off of the bridge and back to your house. The walk was silent, yet again, but this time, it was a comfortable and warm silence. When you arrived at your house, he walked you to the front door, his hand never leaving yours. 

“Tooru.”

“Yeah?”

“Text or call me immediately if you need something.” You smiled.

He smiled—one that reached his eyes—and nodded. “I will… I promise.”

**…**

_Seven years later_   
  
  


The blindfold over your eyes made it hard to walk up the stairs, even if his hand was in yours, guiding your way. 

“Are you going to kill me or something?” You asked, a chuckle leaving your lips.

He laughed as well, and it was a beautiful and melodious sound. “I think it’s about seven years to late for that, baby.”

You smiled to yourself, as you had imagined the dumb look on his face as he said it. After the stairs were seemingly done, he pulled you out onto a flat surface. Soon, you felt him tugging on the back of the blindfold.

Your eyes widened at the sight in front of you. You were on the roof of Aoba Johsai; the sky was a clear blue colour and there was a red and white checkered blanket sprawled across the ground, a wood picnic basket was filled with sandwiches, canned coffee, and milk bread, and most importantly, Tooru Oikawa was on one knee in front of you. 

“Hi.” A giant grin was spread across his face.

“Hi.” Was all you could muster out. Your heart was beating so loud that for a second you thought he could hear the thumping.

Oikawa reached in his pocket and pulled out a small black box. He flipped open the top of it to reveal a stunning diamond ring—not too big and not too small, it was perfect for you. 

“[name], will you marry me?”

The tears began to well up in your eyes, but you nodded, and managed to choke out a reply. “Of course, Tooru… of course.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading !
> 
> it’s not beta read so pls excuse any grammar or spelling errors
> 
> and I hope everyone takes care of themselves and has a good day ! (:


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